Miles Foxxer

miles_foxxer @ 2008-11-05T01:47:00

2008-11-05T06:49:26Z

And now that this whole stupid Election thing is over and no one will lynch me I will say without shame that I didn't vote for Obama.

I voted for Cynthia McKinney, and I don't regret it.

In which I feel almost pathetically badass... or is that badassly pathetic?

2008-09-12T15:57:18Z

So, apparently, last night, whilst I slept, there was a huge storm. At least, huge enough to knock down some branches from some trees near my house... which... doesn't necessitate a storm that is at all huge.. but I wants it to be huge cause those are cooler and it's my story so be quiet!

Anyway, apparently there was this huge storm and some branches got freed from their Acer bounds and were lying strewn about my apartment complex's front yard upon which I have a ground floor (almost basement)window. So the work crews come around 9 this morning when I'm still dead to the world and set up their tree branch obliterating machinery not 4 feet from my fool head.

Well they then proceeded to start to use said machinery like the uncaring fools that they are and it makes that loud, piercing, wood... sawy... screechy... noise... thing. You know the noise I am talking about!

Anyway, I was dead to the world.. and the noise got a little.. lost in translation as it were in the little foxx dream land. In my dream it became the roar of a horrible monster. Specifically it became the roar of a Thresher Maw, a giant, acid spitting, worm monster from Mass Effect that is verra big and dangerous.

My response to this is (while still dead asleep, but rapidly waking) was to kip up on my couch, leap to my feet in the middle of the living room, and take a ready stance. And the only thing running through my mind when I got there was "Alright, let's do this bitch!" Then I woke up and felt dopey.

And so I don't know if that is badass, or pathetic and something deep within me wonders why it can't be both.

miles_foxxer @ 2008-09-01T20:50:00

2008-09-02T00:22:53Z

I just spent the entire weekend hanging out with a friend who moved 50 minutes away in February. He slept on my couch (what little we slept). And we played my Xbox and drank close to $50 in random energy drinks we had never tried before. It was awesome, just like being back in Junior High.

Wow do I have a headache now.

miles_foxxer @ 2008-08-27T13:54:00

2008-08-27T17:25:48Z

My life is a breaching experiment.

miles_foxxer @ 2008-07-28T09:57:00

2008-07-28T13:34:04Z

So I had an illuminating dream last night...

No matter what, if ever aliens DO arrive from beyond the reaches of the solar system bringing peace, trade, and knowledge with them they will immediately be subjected to thousands of sexual harassment and rape suits from every yokel that claims to have been probed.

I mean... think about it... Aliens show up and the first thing that's gonna be all over the tabloids and the entertainment media is the burning question of whether or not they've been after our butts. How will that look?

miles_foxxer @ 2008-06-23T22:20:00

2008-06-24T01:55:29Z

I just spent an hour and a half chasing fireflies.

What must the neighbors think? ^_^

Since when am I the guru?

2008-04-16T21:34:53Z

So I've begun noticing a pattern, its been developing for the last few years or so I guess if I look back so it's nothing new, but today really pointed it out to me. People ask me questions. People I don't know, about subjects that they generally should have absolutely no indication that I have any input in. these questions range from the practical and material (usually about why a program doesn't work in the lab, or how you apply for this or that on campus, how difficult an individual professor is) to the academic. It's the academic one that makes me wonder, because, okay I've been here a few years and undoubtedly they've seen me around campus so I must know something about the way things work here, but the academic questions I sometimes get asked are from a dizzying myriad of disciplines. Help with English papers, mathematics questions, Sociology, Psychology, Economics, Marketing, and just now recently a three hour discussion on Philosophy, specifically the transition between Rousseau's Social Contract to Kant's Transcendental Idealism through the lens of the French Revolution. I mean, don't get me wrong it was an awesome discussion about something I do have a little background in, but not much. but these were people I don't know, who are taking classes on this, and are asking me questions like I'm a definitive authority on the subjects in question. Do I just come across as a huge know-it-all? to be honest, most of these questions I can answer, but I do it often with the most cursory of tools. I ask questions, look it up online, or open a quick program guide, things anyone can do. Most of the time after the question is asked I say something like, "I think it's X but let me check... okay it is X but not how I thought..."

Is just weird is all.

You'll pay to know what you really think.

2008-04-09T20:29:42Z

For those of you who were interested in what I wrote for my essay in Sociology of Religion, here is a brief(edit-HARDLY brief... quite long in fact, but brief as far as the disciple is concerned) explanation.

Okay, for those of you who don't want to read 9 paragraphs of rambling analysis, here's the quick answer. I analyized Transformers for the lessons and values it expresses with an understanding oh how we share ideas and beliefs through the shared narrative. Longer explanation is to follow.

The Basic idea is thus, modern television and sports can be seen in many ways as an alternative to religion. Now, before you go crazy on me, hear me out. I'm speaking as an alternative from a Sociological point of view. Certain only the most devout fans will find the answer to any of the grand existentialist questions in a Dolphins game or on Friends.

But first I will briefly discuss the "purposes of religion" from a sociological point of view. Religion, like many other things has both manifest and latent functions. The manifest functions are the obvious ones, the ones that get people involved with the faith. These are such things as knowing the Truth, worshiping Deities. learning how to pray for better crops or cast spells to blight foes, these ideas and the discussions of Truth, are not at all a part of this analysis, so we set them aside and hope. What sociologists are most interested in are the latent functions and how they work, what they do. These are things that a social institution such as religion does that people often don't think of, they often make perfect "common sense" (a term that refers to knowledge that works perfectly in hindsight but has little to no predictive value due to it's often contradictory nature "absence makes the heart grow fonder" "out of sight, out of mind"). For example, Religion instills discipline, which is important for society to run smoothly, it helps prepare children for future roles, what ever those roles may be (sit down and be quiet, that is your place, the child learns that each person has a place and a role and that it is important to do so, later they learn many of the same socializations in school).

One of the primary functions of religion, whether latent or manifest (changes depending on who you talk to) is community building. It becomes obvious with any major religion that a community is built around it of believers. The primary methods of community building may be a bit hidden though. It is the power of the ritual and the formation of values. Religions do this by using rituals to build values and to create symbols. These values are inexorably linked to the religion itself. The believers accept and take on these values and find pride and community in them. The way that values and morality work (in society, caveat being that this is ENTIRELY within the social context) is they build trust. You like people who are like yourself. You are more likely to trust, be friends with, help, marry, someone you see as moral, and are more likely to ostracize, punish, not associate with someone who is immoral in your eyes, whatever that morality is. To the extreme, think about a personality trait you like in people, Smart? Funny? Personable? Outgoing? These are all the same idea, you are more likely to associate with these people and less likely to want to associate with people who are their opposites because you see yourself as, or want to be seen as, these traits. At the other extreme this is how racism works.

But, a religion creates powerful morality and strong virtues that the group takes onto themselves. So they become an ingroup, they are moral, and the rest of the world is immoral (this, of course has variations, from viewing the rest of the world as going to hell to viewing the rest of the world as a little deluded or confused. You cannot have TRUE tolerance because by simply not performing the necessary rights of one religion or another you are denying its power). This distinction is called the Sacred and the Profane by Durkheim. In this way the group becomes sacred and the rest of the world is profane, "We worship the mighty Hog Father and so only we shall receive his blessings."

In this fashion you can see that religions honour the most important thing in people's lives, each other, the group. Now, they of course honour themselves and each other through their worship of their deity, and the honouring of their shared values, but they also do it through their symbols, which they often take onto themselves. Think about how true believers respond when you insult the pentagram, the Star of David, the cross, or the Koran. The insult is deeply personal, because they have reified the symbol to mean something much more to themselves. (George Simmel's More Life and More Than Life for those who want a neat read).

Okay! Five paragraphs in and I haven't even started answering the question posted! I need to change that mention of "brief" in the intro. Well most of you should already see how sport can be a substitute for religion, rituals, attending games, lots of symbols, values of winning and loosing. Hell, even think of the language of the fans "We won!" It creates a community that talk about their hobby a great deal and it builds a community with it's own values and symbols.

Television is a bit harder though, for this we have to add a step. No religion gives it's followers a list of edicts and demands, or a list of values and beliefs and expects people to just follow them. Even the Ten Commandments has a strong story behind it. No, religions teach their beliefs and values through stories. In fact stories may be the only thing that really separates us from the animals as we have recently discovered that some animals are capable of using symbols (and I'm not simply talking about higher order animals like primates or dolphins, there bee's dance and some flies build balloons to say different things) but humans understand our lives through the narrative. Every conversation you have is a story, about what is, will be, or won't be; what should be and what isn't. We exchange ideas, values and beliefs through these stories, and religious stories share the values and beliefs of the faithful. That is the key statement right there, that they share and express the values of the faithful.

Well, translate this into television. Television is filled with stories, and these stories invariably reflect the values of the population. With the exception of soap operas it is very rare for the villain to ever win on TV, true love almost always triumphs, and in most serial programs the show is returned to "normal" by the end of each episode, the status quo maintained. Those shows that defy our values and beliefs do not last long on the air. They express and maintain our values and beliefs, and so help to create them in the young. They are events that you share with often millions of other Americans and so when you meet you can often easily discuss one program or another. This is a weak argument for the nature of community building television does however. The true community building is in the exchange of our values and the teaching of these values through the narrative. When you meet someone you know they watch the same TV you do, not the same programs, but the values are the same.

Turn now (finally) to the Transformers. I basically equated Saturday morning cartoons with the idea of Sunday School. These programs always teach lessons to kids, whether it's sharing, don't be jealous, keep temper in check, whatever, and Transformers was exactly the same. However, there were some distinct differences. The hero of most children's programming (at least that which targeted the male audience) has either a child, or a brash youth for a hero, not so with Transformers. In Transformers the hero was Optimus Prime, a shockingly fatherlike figure who was cautious, wise, and self-sacrificing. He didn't rush into battle except in dire need and he always led the way in. He taught lessons like friendship, using your own talents to help the group, and forgiveness. Slightly different lessons then what was taught at the time. And, of course, in the Movie he teaches a powerful lesson in self-sacrifice when he dies to save his friends, and he does so without regret. After that the studio that made the show were inundated with mail and phone calls from angry parents of distraught children and the show was never quite the same, and vanished after only a few years and now no one but the most devout fans remember any characters from that season except those that appeared in the movie. But the whole essay focused on this nature of storytelling as an alternative to religion and the effects one show can have, I chose to analyze Transformers.

miles_foxxer @ 2008-04-08T23:33:00

2008-04-09T03:13:51Z

So, on a major exam in my Sociology of Religion class I wrote a 4 page essay on the Transformers...

And got an A.

I love college.

XBox

2008-03-18T09:08:17Z

Oh! And for the record, I got myself an XBox360 a few months ago when I did have monies. If anyone else out there has one and wants to drop me a line my gamertag is MilesFoxxer. I can generally be found Medicing in TF2 and trying to not get killed.

miles_foxxer @ 2008-03-17T14:30:00

2008-03-17T18:33:48Z

I have recently brought it to my attention that I have been woefully remiss in updating my LJ, what with it being 14 weeks since my last update. My apologies, I am reading my LJ daily, I've just not had anything I've really thought was worth updating with.

Most of the things in my life right now have not been going as well as I would have liked, which is one of the reasons I haven't updated, for fear of turning my LJ into just another interweb emo blog (teh horor!). Life is stressful. I finally ditched my Mathematics major (my third, so I still have two) because I just can't cut it, I cannot wrap my little mind around advanced mathematics, at least not whilst I have other concerns. It's the first real time I've failed in something I have honestly attempted to do and it's a bit of a blow to the ego. But things should be a little easier now.

My China trip has been shortened due to financial constraints. I am right now sitting on the sweetest scholarship I've ever gotten. $20,000 next year renewable for another $20,000 next year and $30,000 for my first two years of grad school. Sweet as hell, unfortunately it doesn't work with the program I'm in and it's far to late to apply for any others, so I can't accept it. Of course I would find this out after the fact. So I'm scrounging for scholarships and am likely to take out a major loan just to be able to get in a single semester, rather than the full academic year I was hoping for.

In other fiscal news, my finances are badly hurting so is likely I'm going to be looking for a job in the near future. Normally everything would be okay, however my roommate ran into some fiscal trouble and because of other, honest obligations was unable to pay his half of the rent for about three months, he's okay now and is beginning to slowly pay me back. Unfortunately, this cleaned out my own savings so is unlikely that I'll be able to pay my half of the rent now, and he's not likely to make enough to pay for all the bills alone. This is extra stress I didn't need, but hardly his fault.

Beyond that I've begun really noticing my own separation from my friends. I very rarely see them outside of a game setting, and there are those whom I haven't seen really outside of game in years. But because of adult schedules, time constraints, life, and general laziness I don't get to hang out and just speak with many of my friends anymore. As someone who used his primary social group to replace not just family but most attachment to all social institutions, it's obviously been a big hit. And the knowledge that in a year or two I should be gone permanently has not gone unnoticed by myself, much less them.

With all of this stress my insomnia has returned, which also hasn't helped much. I thought I was done with this issue, but I guess it's just my natural response to major stress. I'll have to bear this in mind in the future.

And, while I'm on the subject of complaining like a whiny little emo-fur, let me also mention that I'm really feeling the weight of being 25 and single. It's not that I have a hard time meeting girls, just finding ones I'm interested in is a little difficult. I'm picky and I take forever to give my loyalty to someone, even just as a friend. So it has been a lonely life so far.

Beyond that? Ummm... I've started lifting weight in earnest now, which is good. However, I still desperately need to change my diet, I need to eat more, ALOT more. I've been taking stock of the number of calories I consume daily and I average between 800 and 1200 a day, which is really bad since I should be eating between 2600-3000. I just need to remember to eat. Oh, and the money for eatings, that is another trouble. My current budget (what's left of it anyway) is built around my old eating habits, ie not eating because I'm an idiot. So spending monies on the foods is not going to be easy.

Things will get better soon. That's what I'm working for. Is just kinda tough now. I apologize for seeming so distant, I'm here, I just don't seem to have as much to say.

It is done

2007-12-05T04:02:22Z

So that big project I was freaking out about? After one full month of dedication and sweat, lots of hours cursing a statistical program with all of the user friendliness of a colicky monkey with the bends, and countless pleas for help, it is done. The project is now finally done and ready for me to turn in. God how I wish the fact that it was done at the last minute was due to slacking, it would make me feel better. Sad fact of the matter is, I think I'm the only one done, cause I was the resident SAS guru of the lab for the last week, and there were people who were just starting it now and no one I can think of (that came to me at least) were anywhere near completion. Conclusion? I am awesome and I don't want to even think about the Calc test I have tomorrow that I didn't have the time to study for.

Kind of a little SOS

2007-11-30T03:06:18Z

I need help, is anyone out there familiar wist SAS (Statistical Analysis Software)? I have to use it to do a project for my Econometrics class and I can't figure it out for the life of me. If anyone out there can help me with this over the weekend I would be eternally grateful. Sadly I seem to have exhausted my lines of inquiry here. No one in the class is willing to admit to understanding the program, we had half a day of class discussion on the program that was wildly insufficient to prepare at least me on the program. And the teacher basically flat out refuses to help people with such "trivial" inquiries as the basic fundamentals of the damn program.

I only have this weekend to get this project down. I'm quickly running out of energy and momentum, and this is the first thing I've every really come across that that I simply cannot seem to do, and I've been struggling for 2 weeks now.

I'm just so tired.

so if anyone knows anything and can help me I would be very grateful, as it stands I'm going to be spending the whole weekend desperately fighting with this damn program, and if I can't get it to work I'll just see if I can't just get SPSS to give me what I need and give the teacher the same results and hope he still grades the damn thing.

I didn't mean to ramble and rant so much....

2007-10-22T20:03:54Z

I really need to work on my update schedule.. cause.. it is crafted whole of fail.

Life's been busy lately (then again.. when isn't it?). School's been kicking by butt this semester in a way that I'm not used to. I have determined that Econometrics is an infernal discipline that seeks to consume the soul of those who seek its secrets. I've never had a class this difficult. At least the professor is really good, but I'm struggling with the subject matter. Need to get back to it to, midterm on Wednesday.

On the other hand, I have no one else to blame but myself. I just solidified my remaining class schedule as a duel major Economics and Sociology with minors in Mathematics, Political Science, and International Business. I dropped the Business major and Marketing minor to make room for the math, and depending on how insane I am I might push that into a major. It's only 4 more classes for a BA. All this so I can get into a good graduate school. I hope that this pedigree is enough. I need to get into a school that either has a Ph.D program in socioeconomics or impress the one I go to enough to allow me to work between the disciplines. This is apparently even harder to find then it sounds. Then again, it's still two years away at least.

Speaking of deadlines coming rushing at me, I may be spending the next academic year in Taiwan at Ming Chun University. I found a program here on campus that offers it and it so far seems like the easiest bet (i.e. safest for credit transfer). And, apparently I'd be the first student from Kent to partake of it. So I'm working on getting everything set up and squared away. Damn, I mean, this is less then a year away. Sneaks up on you. Really puts things in perspective. I mean, I'll leave for China next year, then come back for a semester only to (hopefully) leaving to spend my last semester as an undergraduate in Washington DC as an intern at the World Bank. Then maybe back for a summer before I'm off to graduate school and gone for good.

It's kind of overwhelming, I have so much to do, I've gotten my passport, paperwork to fill out, finances to figure out, scheduling to do. And then, then there's all my crap. I have ALOT of crap. Most people, when they were kids, spent their money on big ticket items, or clothes, or toy. All of which can be easily ditched really. No, I spent all my money on books and have amassed a sizable library that I am loath to part with permanently. Storage is gonna be kinda expensive but that's likely where alot if it is going to go. Some parts of my stuff will be easy to fob off on people, I mean, I've had no less than 6 people offer to hold onto my rpg collection for me while I'm away, which is good. But I worry about the long term of such things. I'm going to China for a year, then to DC for a semester, then to who knows where for 5 years, and then moving again. With luck I'll never settle down proper in one place for long enough to really grow roots, I want to travel, spend a few years here, a few there. Preferably in different countries, I'm not going to want to have to look after a giant library during this time. I guess I just gotta hope I get paid enough to get a permanent place to put it all one day. But I'm not holding my breath. Not exactly the most immediate of logistical problems I know. But still... It's kind of scary.

Lots of things are scary. I'm going to be leaving all my friends behind, which is the biggest problem with this. I know that soon I'll never see some of them again, except maybe on my occasional visits back, but things will never be the same. Hell, things have changed so much over just the past few years already. Some of my friends I don't see outside of game or game related events, some of them I don't see at all anymore except through the occasional chance meeting or active attempt to get together. Hell, it's so rare that I get to just sit and hang out with my friends like we used to, so one seems interested unless there is an event to attend, and if not they'd rather live their own lives. I'm perhaps the biggest perpetrator of this, cause it's hell to get me away from my schoolwork, and when that's all done I'm to tired physically and emotionally to be of use to anyone. I'm going to miss my friends more than anything. All my life they've /been/ my life, my family, my reason for being. People for whom I'd live, fight, or die. I know how melodramatic it sounds, but that's how it's always been for me. I grew up deeply admiring the heroes of the storybooks, the Robin Hoods, the St. Georges, and the Baron Munchausens. These people were great in my young eyes and led me to seek my own adventures. And even as a kid I recognized that these great heroes were backed by their companions, by their brothers in arms, often supporting cast in the hero's story yes, but that was only because it wasn't their story being told. I determined that I had to choose my allies wisely, and then that I must be loyal to them unto whatever challenge our story required. Have I been hurt? Yes, deeply, several times. By people now long forgotten and now wordlessly forgiven. But I have also known the very heights of friendship and love, I will never forget it, and I will never jade.

Now I begin preparations for a series of journeys that will take me from all of them, and there are those that I may never see again. It's weird, though, how far I've seemed to grow from some of them. Still loyal, still friends, and still wish the world for them, but we have grown apart. I still want my story. When we were kids we dreamed of going into the world to slay the beast, save the world, and build our legends. Now we know that maidens can take up swords of their own, that the world is relativly safe from the horrors of the underworld, and all the dragons were slain long ago. But that doesn't mean their's not a great wide world out there, and stories to be had and made. This is where me and most of my friends seem to be diverging in our views, and where we grow apart. My friends seem honestly happy here, doing what they are doing. At least, happy enough. Only one other has fled off into the world to do what they want, and she is close to getting a Ph.D in stuff I will never be able to truly comprehend, living her dream. I have always admired her and still do to this day, despite so rarely getting the chance to speak with her. I don't want to have to choose, like she did, between my friends and my story. But, I will if I must. I have survived as long as I did solely because of my friends in many instances. Instances where either they helped me pull through it, or because I pulled myself through my troubles because I am one of the "strong ones" to them. One of the men that I have all at once admired most in my life and feel so distant from now once told me that it was my job to survive, and so, I became a survivor. So often I wanted to give up, or just lay down and die, but despite it all I'm still here, my reputation attests to my success. I do not want to leave my friends, I want to share the world and our adventure, but I must have my adventures. I do not look forward to my goodbyes.

miles_foxxer @ 2007-09-05T21:12:00

2007-09-06T01:11:25Z

School is back in session... just seemed like.. days ago I was in summer classes... dammit... Oh well. I am happy though that the semester from hell does not seem to be turning out that bad. I am taking 21 credit hours and 15 of that is either calculus or statistics, but this actually seems like it will work out in my favour (except for the small mountains of work math classes tend to generate).

Went to the flea market on Labor day and I now have more raspberry cider. This is good... verra good...

Past that my life is absolute boring routine, which explains the utter lack of post, so instead of anything of any interest, you getta meme! This one hurt my head.. it talked about lottsa stuff I dunno about.

Okay, I suppose I should tell you all about Origins shouldn't I?

2007-07-10T16:56:07Z

So, Origins rocked... pretty hard. It started off kinda sucky cause I had no monies for which to buy things, but that was okay cause there wasn't much that I wanted anyway. We got a room connected directly to the main Convention Center which was awesome because I could go and shower/ crash/ whatever whenever I needed. We got there around noon Thursday and practically the first thing I discovered was the Vietnamese restaurant located not a block away from the con. THAT PLACE ROCKED! So hard! The food was fantastic and cheap. I've never eaten so much or so well in my life and I actually managed to get the recipes for a few things from them. Is time for to experiment. I want my Binh mi ga dammit! So nummy... mmmm....

There was a double Smithee awards smithee_awards this year and I went to both of them. During the first one... well.. see.. after last year, me and the people sitting near me started this chant for the worst movie of that year, a movie called "Guns of El Chupacabra" that is your classic call and response. "Chupa!" yells one side followed by the other side yelling "Cabra!" Well I started it up again at the end of the first smithee awards, the one for this year rather then the Mega-Meta Smithees so it was the first time the chant was spoken this year. And about the 3rd "Chupa!" I realized that I was the only one yelling that part, I felt awesome.

Past that, I haded out all 100 pixi stix damn fast this year, I'm thinking about bringing more with me. for those who don't know I bring 100 giant pixi stix with me every year and hand them out, to everyone, venders, kids, cute girls, drunks, anyone who asks, whoever and the people love it and I get approached by people year later, is really cool. I'm also getting good at chucking them like javelins, I can hit a preteen at 20 yards. This practice also helped me land two dates over the course of the con. No spark, but we left as friends. Though it did feel good to just absolutely shut down one guy trying to get his mac on with one girl as I snatched her Friday night right out from under his nose. Then as I'm walking away she turns back to him and asks "Can I help you?"

Played in a few games while there, no really good stories about those so I won't get into the boring details. I might wind up running a few events at AnCon in October so cone by if you're interested. I got to meet a whole bunch of people, I played a whole bunch of games and had a great time. I look forward to GenCon now.

Summer School

2007-06-29T15:46:04Z

Summer school has been kicking my little furry tail. It's awesome that I'm going to get these classes out of the way really fast, but damn if they don't throw the book at you. Oi.

Past that, I haven't updated much because my life is pretty boring sounding. I go to school, I study, I sleep sometimes, maybe I eat some kind of a thing. It's all getting depressingly routine. I do well structurally in a routine, but not so well emotionally. Is beginning to get to me.

Apparently I have altered my diet in more healthy ways recently, and not for any of the right reasons. I've cut out soda, I'm eating more salads, almost completely cut out fast food (unless there's nothing else), and have started eating alot more fruits. All this simply because it's what I've suddenly been hungry for rather than for health reasons. Not that I should be complaining, or am, it's just kinda weird is all.

Sadly my workout schedule has fallen off because I don't have time for much else other than school, I hope that I can get back to it as soon is the summer is over and the school gets back down to a much more manageable pace. Which is sad, I was starting to physically see results for once.

Past that, I took a silly quizzy.

Your Score: Androgynous

You scored 90 masculinity and 80 femininity!

You scored high on both masculinity and femininity. You have a strong personality exhibiting characteristics of both traditional sex roles.

Link: The Bem Sex Role Inventory Test written by weirdscience on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Apparently I'm 170% gender. I dunno what this means.

Story time

2007-06-09T08:33:52Z

Okay, I know I haven't updated much in a while. This is mostly due to my life being pretty boring all things considered. However, one interesting thing has happened to me recently, I wrote a short story. I just woke up, sat down and out it flowed not a week ago. I'm not certain I like it, but it's the first real writing I've done in a long time, and I want to do something with it, but I don't know what. Read it if you want, and I'd love to hear comments. I mean, who doesn't want to hear comments when they post their creative works on a public forum? But, I would welcome criticism. If nothing else, if you take the time to read it, I hope you enjoy it if nothing else.

A piercing scream as the wooden post pierces another part of the neck as the maggot writhes to escape. With a monotonous squelch the post leaves as the mechanism pulls it back into striking position leaving another divot in an otherwise mangled mass of pale flesh, each clean, circular hole, each alone no more then an inch in diameter had eaten away at the soft tissue over a lifetime of strikes leaving a gaping maw of blood fresh spilt and ancient in the innocent throat of the beast. Slowly it locks back into place as the old wood and rust gears click and crank until with a shrill and satisfying thud it signals its readiness, and I pull the switch again. Below a conveyor belt moves up yet another pre-made corpse, ready to be born. If I cared to look, through the dim light that occasionally flash through the place as some god or another walks along the upper reaches, it’s light flickering past the crevasse and rotten planks of the ceiling, and through the grit and grime I could see the next one standing at the ready a clean hole in it’s head waiting at attention. All of them male, this one of medium build and light complexion, the top of his head an empty hole leading to the empty crevasse in its skull. The switch, the post, a maggot’s scream. With the blow the blood and the bile come poring out of its vacuous mouth, summoned from it’s bowels to pour into the empty head. The yet unborn corpse writhes in agony until its cavity is fill, at witch point it stops questioning and steps off the conveyor belt. Walks two feet and dies with the others, having done nothing with its life and not knowing the difference.

The rats quickly set to work on the new meal, biting and feasting on the freshly born flesh; gorging themselves to the point of bursting, and then dragging themselves off to some corner to give birth to the next shift of feasters. Not even wagering a pained cry as they die from the effort.

And so it goes day in and day out an eternity of switches and screams. I still remember her face looking up at me with the huge, pulsating eye, encrusted with filth and green with illness and the crevasse rising from it through her forehead to her hair line, filled with teeth with which she attempted to devour my hand while she takes my order, same as yesterday. A hiss and another face, stolen by my mind from too many late night horror movies, all rubbery and stiff, the wolfman hair unconvincing and the eyes like burning coals or the harvest moon. I can only see half of it, the other half hidden behind the corner in my peripheral vision and I feel it’s breath on my face, sweet and flowery, like a craft store in winter. I pull the switch again and another death is born.

Once I had a visitor who asked me if I even knew mercy. I replied that we had actually dated off and on for a month or so until the one night I got her home. After two drinks she was ready for me and after three I was useless to her. Crying, she shoved me, drunk, from my own apartment into the streets and the night quickly surrounded me. Fighting for air I struggled and fought up it’s gullet until the I lay on the floor, covered in my fellow vomit, looking up at the moth that had housed me these many long winters. Desperately, and elatedly it gasped, “We did it, we won! The day is ours, the line held!” as it burned and died. The candle flame drawn to its papery wings.

Desperate to escape the ensuing inferno I ran, desperately clawing at the spider webs made of confectioner’s sugar that barred my way, like in my old movies. Having eaten my fill of sweets I lay down to rest, I had no fear of the winter’s cold with the fire to keep me warm. As I slept I dreamt of fantastic things and grandiose sights. Of things I can neither describe nor tell.

Shunk, goes the post.

I wake to a gnawing on my hand, screaming that the woman is back. But it is only a rat so I let it have its fill then eat its newborn young as compensation for my hand. I do not need it; the switch only requires one arm.

It is such a simple device, though I cannot understand it. I know that it is simple because that is what they tell me, the rats, the woman, and mercy. It is great gears that go into the floor and work their way through the planks into the ceiling to work the heavy iron weights and counter weights that rocket the post across the fulcrum and into the throat. My part is but a simple leaver, I found some leather straps to wrap around the part I hold to make it softer. I’m so proud of my work, you really should see it. It’s the prettiest blue, not that you could tell because of all the red. But to me, it will always be blue. I can never leave because the rats would chew all the blue away and I would get splinters in my hand again from working the lever.

Occasionally one screams for too long and it has to go into the furnace. We can’t let the rats catch whatever illness stops it from dying like the others. It is already to hard to move in here with the great top slowly spinning without the rats doing their work. The top spins very slowly, the rats say it’s an illusion, that it spins very fast, so fast I cannot see in the dark. They tell me this when one accidentally touches it and is splattered across the corpses from the force, a dash of seasoning. I’m sure they are lying.
Occasionally it rains in the upper reaches. Thunder rumbles across the sky and I am told that there is light with it. When this happens we scramble to place the pots and urns used to catch the dirty water as it flows down between the cracks between the wooden planks in the sky. I am told that the gods use the rain to wash away the filth about and wash it below. Either way we are grateful for their sewage.

There is no light here unless it is the brief flash of a god’s torch. These few sights burn themselves into your mind with the beauty of home. The rotting wood and rusted iron that make up the walls and structure of the device. The matted, torn fur and the sickly green flesh of the rats as they hurry about their red work. My blue lever. The great maggot and the corpses. Home; comfort; safety: I have learned to appreciate these things in my age.

Once it rained so hard that the water that rand down here began to run clear. Pots overflowed and collected under the wooden floors until it rose over even his barrier. As the water began to rise I continued my work. I continued to pull the lever and fill the corpse-heads who in turn fed the rats. As the water rose up it began to reach my little raised platform and covered the conveyor belt and its cargo. Pull, shunk, scream, but the vomit hit the water, the corpse’s head submerged. I stood and looked for a long time, confused about what to do. I looked to the furnace, submerged and put out. Now useless. This concerned me as I didn’t know how to start it again. But that would be for later. There were many corpses coming still and they needed to be handled, and now my lever was useless.

I grabbed a rusted old axe with my good arm and went to work. It bothered me how they screamed, it wasn’t like with the maggot filling their head with vomit, it was more sudden, piercing. It disturbed me. But I did my work with each body and threw the pieces to the pile. To my horror the rats had fled the water and were now sitting in the rafters rather than working as they should. What now? Confused I swam up to a little ledge, tired from trying not to drown while working when the first stinging blow hit me. The water had risen to the bottom of the top and it was now flinging stinging spit around the room and filling it with a watery haze. I heard the maggot begin its squealing and rocking again as the stinging spray beat along the entirety of its 50 meter length. I felt sorry for it, it was being struck now on the other side, it wasn’t used to this. Then, as I was thinking of climbing up to the rats to get them to continue their meal somehow, perhaps by bringing it to them I heard a tremendous crack. At first I thought that perhaps the sky had gotten closer that I might hear the thunder better when I heard a second and a third. The unmistakable sound of ancient metal tearing and wood bursting as the maggot, driven mad by this new pain, wretched itself free of its binds. I could barely see it through the spray in the flash of light created as it arched up and smashed itself against the ceiling, bringing wood crashing to the ground. It turned my way and I was filled with a new, indescribable sensation. Still confused the sensation forced me to run and so I ran, the hulking thing chasing after me through the corridors. I was lucky enough to have a head start as it still had a few bindings left to rip off, but soon it was crashing along the halls, smashing into the wooden walls its vacuous maw, encrusted with its own blood and bile gnashed repeatedly as it hunted me.

As I ran I turned down a corridor and went barreling down towards a man. But this was no normal walking corpse. His head was grotesque. Domed over and covered in a writhing black mass. The hole, where was the hole. His eye opened wide s saucers in an obviously threatening fashion. Still barreling forward with the maggot right behind me and no time to stop destroyed the abomination and left my axe splitting his grotesque forehead. The maggot, stopped briefly to consume the fallen demon. Axe and even grotesque head all in one gulp. The nausea of the sight almost overtook me.

I must have run for close to twenty minutes, leaping chasms filled with working machinery, blood, and sewage, leaving a trail of smashed wood and shattered rust as we went. Horribly lost I went barreling forward until I came to a ladder. Desperate, I started to climb, and to my relief the maggot paused before perusing, having difficulty climbing through the thin shaft. Still, it gripped the walls with its legs and smashed the dirt, dirt? Yes dirt.. not wood or rust… smashed the dirt walls of the shaft in its attempts to follow me. At first elated that I was gaining ground in this fashion I soon became tired and began loosing ground again. When I reached the top and stumbled into a small rock room it was right behind me, gnashing and hissing. I bolted through the wooden door and… into the light?

The wooden sky had been replaced with some dark material I couldn’t readily recognize with little white dots, and a large light source was hung off to my left over a small forest. I ran and stumbled and finally fell, rolling to my back as the maggot smashed through the rock face and towered over me. Then, as it poised for just a second, it looked to its right, following its gaze I saw a great pit. The dirt and rock ground had been torn away as thousands of maggots burrowed and chewed through it and the mountainside. Leaving a huge crater several kilometers across. Forgetting me, my pursuer hurried off toward the crater where it was promptly eaten by several of its stronger brethren. Confused, I stared at the many sights, the new sky, the mountain, the forest. Like my movies cone to life a sudden light hit me and I looked up to see a great flying beast. Its leathery wings stretched easily forty meters in either direction with two smaller sets of wings underneath, supporting its horrendous bulk. Its long, flexible neck kept a large, doglike head aloft at all times, with a single horn rising from its snout. The thing had a great light strapped around its neck and used its small forearms to direct it towards me. It landed a few meters away, its great wing beats battering me to the earth. After a second of looking at me, the beast winced; I heard a squelching noise as its breast burst open, and a man crawl out. Head to toe in black with a long, mechanical eyepiece that glowed a deep purple, he pointed his rifle at me. But, his head, his horrible domed, holeless head. I felt like I wanted to vomit. He was saying something when another came writhing out of the beast, and I ran. I ran as fast as I could for the trees, hoping that the monstrosities would never find me. Bullets zipped past me as they fired into the night. I hit the trees and ran until I fell asleep.

When I woke up I was in a horrible world of greens and browns, a bright blue above me and, as I looked up, a great ball in the sky struck me blind for my impertinence for looking at it. I cried with pain and, after a time, when my sight returned, always kept my eyes respectfully turned away, as it new when I merely stole a glance and struck me then. This world was too bright, and hurt my eyes and the ghastly colours were everywhere. I heard movement in the trees with every step as I picked my way along, trying to figure out where to go, or how to get home. This place, the wood was all wrong, placed in the trees with leaves growing out of them. Things seemed to be almost randomly scattered around rather then neatly placed, so many corners to turn and nothing resembling a proper corridor. Looking up, I saw why this must be. There is no place for gods up there; truly this was a forsaken place. Here I saw all kinds of animals. Most of them looked like deformed rats of one kind or another. Running around, no doubt looking for a corpse. After a while I came upon one chewing on a small rock fallen from a tree. This was not right, not right at all. Had the whole world gone mad? In my anger I grabbed a rock and hurled it at the rat, clouting it soundly and leaving it still. As I tore into it’s gullet with my teeth I vowed to try to make my way back to civilization and picked my way along.

The travel was long and hard as I often stumbled and fell or accidentally looked at the ball in the sky. But, come nightfall the ball left and I found my way into a clearing. Collapsing to rest for an hour or so I heard a great beating of wings and looked up to see a beam of light flashing through the night. Once again, fearful, I ran. Of to my right, I could make out a mountain. Wasn’t that where I left? I turned and started running in that direction, loosing the great beast as I ran.

After a few hours I could make out the mountain better and I could see the great basin, soon, even the beautiful wild maggots were visible. Looking around, I spotted the smashed wooden door in the mountain side. Someone had set it right and it looked like they had repaired it, truly a sign. I ran up and burst in, hoping to avoid the great beast still searching for me, and to my horror came face to face with another man in a black body stocking. He aimed his rifle at me and said something; I vomited at the horror of his face. Then, the taste of incompetent rat still lingering in my mouth, there was a crack as something hit the back of my head, and suddenly the world was maroon and geometric shapes.

When I came to there was something chewing on my arm, screaming that the hag was back I struck out and hit the poor rat across the room. Looking around I was elated, I almost cried. Home. I was home. The old device, badly damaged, had been replaced, no longer made of wood and rust it was now steel and plastic. In place of the old maggot a new maggot, smaller, young and strong was shackled in its place, I was never happier to see such a great backlog of work waiting for me on the conveyor belt. The rats, having gone without food for close to two days were crazed with hunger, lean and angry. With tears in my eyes I scrambled up to my little platform, and there, the lever, was wrapped in a new, bright blue leather strap, the old one probably eaten by the rats. Happy, and more thankful for the abominations then I have every been, I set to work, and wooden post pierced virgin maggot flesh.

Democratic Peace and the Foxx that helps make it go

2007-05-06T18:12:54Z

So I just spent Wednesday and Thursday helping run the Symposium on Democracy on campus. This was a big academic symposium with scholars from around the country coming to present their papers on the Democratic Peace Theory, which is a theory that states that Democracies don't got to war with each other. It was awesome. The papers were pretty interesting and we had an awesome turnout to the panels. But, damn was it tiring. I was pretty much on crisis control the whole time, which left me running around constantly trying to solve one issue or another and giving orders to people who were theoretically my coworkers. It's amazingly easy to take charge of things if you're just willing to. However, the best part of the whole symposium was I got a lot of face time with the dignitaries themselves. Which was awesome just to sit there and listen to them talk to each other (all of them Ph.Ds in policy sci and an anthropologist or two) and they were very interested in answering my questions. I even got to answer one of theirs since my background is in socio-economic theory, that made me feel good.

The part of the symposium I was really in charge in, the student forum, that I've been working on all semester, went off without a hitch. It was great, was just a 2 hour conversation between a bunch of students and some of the dignitaries and I actually had to reign people in. It was phenomenal.

Of course, our keynote address at the end of the symposium was Dr. Tom Hayden who some of you may remember as the author of the Port Huron Statement and co-founder of the Students for a Democratic Society. He's now a California state senator. He's an interesting and engaging speaker with some interesting ideas and he presents them well. However, I realized something when his massive fan base of young activists took the stage to start asking him questions. I agree with anti-war activists, I agree with anti-administration protesters, completely, but the way they present their message pushes me AWAY from them and their ideas. I mean, I understand the function of protests in a democracy and I understand the need for a lot of rhetoric and slogan chanting and accusation making from a sociological point of view (it creates a sense of group solidarity that helps to bind them to the common cause), but the lack of rational conversation and complete disregard for the other side's views, no matter what they are, and the instant vilification of anyone that disagrees, makes me not care what they have to say on an emotional level. And I agree with them, I really do, but I hate how they act. I saw all of this during the keynote speech. Along with some pathetic professor alum desperately trying to get the word out that he's running for president, in a forum where he can't talk about issues, is taking time away from people who are honestly asking questions, and so is quickly forgotten. sad that he seemed so serious about it.

Past that, the symposium did have some great moments. Running into the command-control center yelling "I've lost my dignitaries!" is funny now, after the fact. We also had one particular student who had an agenda, he has all sorts of conspiracy theories about 9/11 and other things and kept getting up to "ask questions" about them (i.e. give a 5 minute dissertation that other people can use to actually ask questions) and was a rabid communist. I'm not talking the normal type of commie that got unfair treatment in the 70s and early 60s I'm talking an honest to gotd RABID, aggressive commie, and at one point he's coming up to the mike and one of the dignitaries I'm standing next to, a Ph.D in Anthropology specializing in the political systems present in Micronesian island cultures, says "You know, you should rush him. Run up there and tackle him to save us from his babble. Capitalist longhair versus Socialist longhair. (deep voice) ROUND ONE... FIGHT! It think you could take him, I know how the cold war turned out." And this is a Ph.D in is 50s! I just thought it was amusing.

But so, is now over and I have spent the last few days resting and getting ready for finals. Yay semester almost over.. which.. sadly, just means summer school is coming up.. whee.

Close call

2007-04-25T19:22:59Z

So I'm walking along on campus, it's raining and cold and so I'm hurrying along, enjoying the rain but hating the cold. And I hear this chirping. This.. kinda weirdly desperate chirping. And so I look around and I look up just in time to see a little nest built into an exhaust vent on one of the dorms disintegrate under the force of the exhaust blast and this little chick starts tumbling down the four stories to the sidewalk. Not really thinking I dashed over the 10 yards or so and catch the little guy in a diving catch, sliding through the mud and blasting my head pretty good on the side of the building in the process. Well, long story short, the little guy was okay, though just a hatching and I found someone interested in raising it (she was the only one standing around who didn't look at me like I was an idiot and rushed over to see what happened.) So hopefully he'll be alright.

So I am cold, wet, covered in mud, and bleeding under my hair but I feel good about my little good deed for the day.

Do-da-dee-do-de-do-dum.. I'm British...

2007-04-16T23:46:51Z

So, I got asked if I was a Brit today, by a Brit. Apparently "the accent's all wrong, but the personality's right. Maybe Welsh?" Apparently I have a very British sense of humor "very droll," my friend says. I dunno, I think it's an awesome complement.

Just a silly little thing that happened today.

So Nice

2007-03-27T07:30:50Z

So, it's Spring Break! YAY! And I'm spending it... mostly working on school stuff.. but that's cool to cause it's getting done and I've had some time to goof off. And best of all, the weather is nice. So I grabbed a book, The Handmaid's Tale to be precise and started and finished it over a few hours of wondering the river and the town from place to place. It was awesome. Okay, the book was depressing as all hell, but the walking and reading was awesome. And that's another school book down, on to all the others! Whee!

miles_foxxer @ 2007-03-20T16:19:00

2007-03-20T20:24:52Z

I hate having to write those stupid self-aggrandizing essays they have you write for scholarship applications and the like. It's a combination of a certain uncomfortable feeling I have with just, well, exposing my virtues, especially in an official sense. I mean, this is for MONIES! MONIES! I NEED THOSE! So it feels weird. The other major problem is that I never know how to start them. Well, having talked to some peoples and heard back the same things I am here to say that I have at least figured out a solution to the second problem. The answer? Start of with the line, "First of all, I'd just like to say, I ROCK!" and then explain why. After your done, go back and erase this line. Worked like a damn charm as I struggled to figure out how to write one for my scholarships this year for like a week, then sat down, wrote that line, and busted it out in 5 minutes. It was easy.

I dunno how many peoples have this problem, but for those who do, there it is.

Proof for all you doubters

2007-03-19T12:21:10Z

http://www.ozfoxes.com/fauxpas.htm

SEE?! SEE!?

miles_foxxer @ 2007-03-09T14:02:00

2007-03-09T19:07:54Z

So, having just spent the last hour helping a couple of people with the latest accounting chapter. I've been noticing I do this alot of late and I've started to receive some very nice praise for my help (having people who I've never even met who are in an entirely different section come and ask me because they've "heard of me" is high praise indeed.) I've had a number of people mention that I should tutor. I'm starting to seriously consider it, i just need to find out where I go to apply, maybe get myself a campus job here. that could be cool. I'll need to start asking around.